Peter James-Alan Buth
Peter James-Alan Buth
July 23, 1995 – October 3, 1995
We were blessed on Sunday, July the 23rd at 8:14 P.M. With the arrival of our third child, weighing in at 8lbs, 3oz. and 20 inches long. He came into this world three weeks ahead of schedule. He was given a clean bill of health, a fine healthy baby boy. The apple of his parents eyes.
Yes we thought we were a complete family. With two healthy girls and now a little boy. Our dreams were all finally coming true, so we thought. We named this little boy after his daddy, James Alan and his grandpa Pete. Our little boy was given the name of Peter James-Alan Buth. With the nickname of PJ.
We all adjusted to the routine of having a new baby in the house. It wasn’t easy to do with a very active two year old running around, but somehow we managed. Before we knew it our little boy was 6 weeks old, and it was getting time for mommy to return to work.
Sunday the 3rd of September we held PJ’s dedication. My last weekend with my son before I had to return back to work.
I loved the time off, but I knew there was no way we could pay our bills unless I returned to work. One of the good things about returning to work, was that my husband and I work different shifts so we shared the child care needs. We didn’t have to worry about child care expenses. Everything seemed to be adjusting to fit with everyone’s schedule. I went to work during the day and came home to my children at night.
The Day my life turned into a big nightmare………..I got up for work as normal on that 3rd day of October. I went downstairs showered, got dressed, and than fixed a bottle for the baby. I went back upstairs and I fed my precious big guy. He drank his bottle and dozed back to sleep, like every other morning. I tucked him into his crib with all his Dalmatian friends gave him a little kiss, and told him I would be back soon…..(little did I know that these were going to memories….just sweet memories…….)
I remember personnel coming in and telling me I had to go home due to a family emergency . I walked into the house where you could have heard a pin drop. My husband was dressing our two year old. I looked around the room and did not see my son, oh my, where is my baby? I looked around at the police officer standing in the door way, and back to my husband, nothing.. no one said I word. My husband finally broke the silence, that seemed to have lasted forever.
He went on to explain with pain in his voice, a mere whisper, how he had gotten up to answer the door and came back to check on PJ, he was not breathing and his skin was bluish in color. He said he called 911 right away, and called me. PJ was on the way to the hospital. The ride to the hospital was the longest and most dreadful ride that I ever had. Even though we lived only 15 minutes from it; it seemed like a eternity, and I felt we would never get there. All the way there I tried to think happy thoughts. How peaceful he looked that morning when I laid him in his crib. How he was just beginning to coo and smile, how he loved to sit in his little swing and suck on his favorite nook. How he would grow up and play football for the Green Bay Packers.
We walked into the emergency room. We were greeted by a couple of nurses. They lead us to a small room. I could barley get the words out, Where’s my baby? I want to see him! They told us, he is with the doctor’s and they would be in soon. The doctor FINALLY came in and took my hand and said I’m sorry. We did everything we could to try to bring your little boy back, our baby died…..NO!!!!! Not my beautiful little PJ. You are wrong, please say its just a mistake…..let me hold him…..he just wants his mommy…..They lead us into a examination room where he was lying so peaceful, like he was just taking a nap, they told us to say our good-byes. I can’t say good bye…..I want my baby …..They placed my beautiful baby boy in my arms….I didn’t want to say good bye…..I sat there with tears in my eyes…..WHY?? why my son? He was my precious little boy…He was to carry the Buth family name…..he was suppose to be the next Brett Favre for the Green Bay Packers…..What went wrong…..My mind heard voices of everyone in the room but didn’t understand what they were saying. They took my baby from me. They told us that they needed to do a autopsy, even though they all believed it was SIDS… what is SIDS….Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
Everything was a blur. I went through the next few days like a zombie. I was there, but not really understanding what was going on. My mind was lost in thoughts of my son. How I would never hold him again…..never see him smile, never see him crawl, never hear him say mama…..he was only 2 months, 10 days old…..he can’t be gone! Someone please wake me up from this nightmare. It just can’t be!!!
Some how we made it through all the arrangements of the funeral. We brought his bedding from home so they could place it inside his coffin. We didn’t want him to be without his Dalmatian. They took PJ’s bumper pad from his crib, and sized it to fit his coffin, they put his Dalmatian sheet in. It looked like PJ was taking a nap in a bassinette with all his puppy friends.
They told us that PJ would need a hat. He had outgrown all his, so we had to go shopping. It killed me to walk in the baby dept. looking at all the little outfits that he would never wear. This was so unfair! We finally ended up by the Halloween outfits. We found an adorable Dalmatian puppy play suit. It’s hood had real cute puppy ears, the belly had a Dalmatian puppy face; and whole outfit was covered with Dalmatian black spots. PJ looked so adorable. This is not fair! Why is this trick being played on me. Wake up little guy.
It was a rainy day, the day we laid our son to rest. It was like heaven was shedding tears with us. We gave our little boy his favorite Dalmatian puppy, and a small miniature yellow dump truck. It was to represent the big one he was going to get from Santa. How unfair our little boy would never get to sit on Santa’s lap…We put all PJ’s pictures to form a great big memory board. This would be the first day he would meet a lot of his relatives. Ones he never met before…
We had PJ’s headstone specially made to carry out his dalmation theme. There are two puppies carved in. One in each corner of the stone, with puppy paw prints running down the middle. The sad thing is my son is buried in WI where I used to live. We have since moved to Miami, Florida.
We have since added to our family. It was a very special day, July the 23, 1997. I gave birth to a bouncy baby girl. Her name is Victoria Rose. We tried to prevent her from coming on the 23rd but PJ had his own plans. I went in the hospital on the 21st where they started to induce me. I was in the hospital for 2 days with nothing happening… They were going to send me home, when all of a sudden I went into labor. Our precious PJ gave us his little sister on his 2nd birthday. Someone he will never get to hold….
If we could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true,
We’d pray to God with all our hearts
For yesterday and You.
A thousand words can’t bring you back
We know because we’ve tried…
Neither will a thousand tears
We know because we’ve cried…
You left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too…
But we never wanted memories
We only wanted You.